The big kids drew brown marker stripes on the baby’s butt and the toilet overflowed and the Pterodactyl tracked poopy water everywhere. We bought two pairs of shoes for the Diva and brought the wrong pair home and while I was driving I had to stop a fight about who had more imaginary lollipops and I never did get a Father’s Day card off to Dad.
The Diva starts camp tomorrow and she was only going because my friend was in charge of it and my friend tells me today she got fired last month and so sorry she forgot to tell me and the Diva is supposed to pack a “trashless” lunch and what the fuck does that mean?
Husband hung up on me because I was yelling at him about babysitter issues and dog hasn’t had a real walk in days and her breath smells like a landfill. The Tyrant has learned that slapping me in the face stuns me long enough for her to get away and the Pterodactyl was so mean to his sister in Target that I pinched him.
I never did give the music teacher his end of the year chocolate basket and so now I’m gradually eating it.
I watch tv and read the news and I know what’s going on in the world and I know that I am in the luckiest, oh, .0001 percent of the world’s population, I know this. And I love my life and I really believe that I have the most beautiful children on the planet and I wouldn’t trade for a private Caribbean island the secret sign that the Diva and I share or the way the Tyrant tells me, “yuda best” or the way the Pterodactyl practically sucks my skin off when he kisses me good night.
But on some days, it would be nice to just catch a break.
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I totally get this; some days I'm sooo tired of picking up poop and pee I could spit!
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